this and that no. 3

About four months ago, I started writing this post, but never finished it. It's both funny and humbling to see what my thoughts were then and now, and to see how much I've grown and changed. Here's my unedited writing back then:

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Let's just cut straight to the chase this week.

LEARNING | that self-discipline is hard for me to commit to. When it comes to the food choices I make, I do a terrible job at keeping my body healthy. If you're my friend, please don't let me buy any more boba when we go on boba runs. It's for my own good.

HUMBLED | every time I use Illustrator. Whenever I think I know what I'm doing, I actually don't. Or I realize that I've been taking a completely long, roundabout way of doing something that my friend just taught me how to do in ten seconds. There's so much more to learn, and I'm eager to continue exploring. In the mean time, I'll be amusing myself with making fun, easy art and graphics and invitations.

THANKFUL | for friends. Oh my word, maybe it's this whole "senior year I'm graduating soon" thing, but hanging out with my friends these last few weeks have been such a joy. Whether it's having an impromptu jam session, puzzling into the night, deep talks, boba runs, couch lounging, friends are a true blessing - both the new and the old.

THINKING | about my future lately and what God has in store for me. I have no idea where I'll be living and what I'll be doing next year, and that's both scary and exciting.
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I think all of these thoughts are still true in some way or another. I'm always continually learning, being humbled, thankful, and thinking. But one thing that strikes me is that amidst me wondering and anxiously planning for my future, God had a plan for me regardless. And it's certainly not what I ever imagined it to be, but it's good and perfect and it's from Him.

Have I learned self-discipline? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've been running at least a mile everyday for the past 73 days! I've ran late into the night at 1am before, in humid, hot weather, and also cooold weather. There were times when my calves were so sore and my legs were about to collapse from muscle aches, but I can feel my body getting stronger and it's a great feeling!

I am still completely thankful for friends, and even more so now that I've finished my time at UCLA. All those post-grad warnings are true. You barely see or talk to a lot of your friends after you graduate. Everyone's busy doing their own thing - work, school, personal commitments. But I've made the most wonderful friends at UCI, I've grown closer and clung tighter to my closest friends from LA, and have re-connected with so many people from my past. Friends really are a true blessing - both the new and the old.

Where will I be living? Well, I'm at home and I'll stay at home for the next year. What will I be doing? I'm a graduate student at UCI, and hanging out with my family, and playing with my little cousins, and spending time with the people I love, and learning, and growing, and probably an endless amount of other things I had never planned for.

But that's the thing. I can't plan for every little thing in my life because it's physically impossible to foresee my own future and mentally impossible to try and plan every little detail of my life without being utterly exhausted and stressed. For now, I'm content not knowing what's ahead in the upcoming year because it allows me to just focus on the now - my todays rather than my tomorrows. In a culture that's always on-the-go and moving faster and faster, I like being able to slow down and take each day as it comes and just walk with Him.