dream, rest, hope.

I am a dreamer. I plan, and hope, and wish, and plan some more. I find joy in little things and magnify them into big dreams that get tucked away in the corners of my mind.

It is exhilarating to be a dreamer. It is what pushes me to keep going each day, to seek satisfaction, and to achieve. But, paradoxically, it is also what restrains me from the best version of myself.

Let's take a step back. In order to be a dreamer, you have to be idealistic in the way you view life and your situations. You shoot for the stars and allow your mind to imagine great things. But what if there is dissonance between your ideals and reality?

I was reading a book this summer called A Fall of Marigolds (highly recommend. ugh so good) and these very thoughts were mirrored by the heroine of the story.

It's an in-between place...about fulfilled expectations not being as satisfying as the dream of them. Heard melodies are not as sweet as the tunes we can imagine hearing. Do you believe that an unfulfilled desire is better because it's something you can still dream about? 

By the last page I felt like I was talking to a dear friend, walking through the rhythms of life - the hopes, the letdowns, the moments and people we sometimes can't seem to shake. Has this ever happened to you?

I more often than not find my own story pagemarked by dreams that never make it into my reality. The business idea that got started and never came through, the friendship I wanted and lost, the boy I looked up to and fell hard for, the job I wanted and didn't get. The list goes on. I think as humans with limited time on this Earth, we feel pressured by time and space to make the most out of this life we are given.

We are confined by the prisons we build for ourselves.

We're afraid to fail because we just want to get it right the first time and not waste any second of our internal clocks that keep on ticking. On the one hand we have high hopes and dreams, but on the other hand we have fears that hold us back.

Rather than trudge through failure, we tend to keep our dreams as just dreams and quickly sweep away moments of failure. Over the last few months, I've taken risks that I probably would not have taken in the past. I've failed more times than I can count and felt the heartache and pain that comes with failure. But I think there's a beauty in failure that we often times miss because we don't rest and allow the organic process of it all to unfold.

I sat. I weeped. I rested.

And then I felt hope because I knew my spirit wasn't broken. I was being renewed day by day.

Our God uses our low moments to bring Him high. He uses our failures to remind us that there's something greater for us ahead.

So dreamers, go on and dream big. Take risks and give it your all. Be content when dreams don't make it into your reality. Rest in failure. Hope for greater things ahead.