This is Henry. He just graduated from UCLA this past June, always has a smile on his face that just makes you smile too (it's seriously contagious), and was diagnosed with high-functioning autism (HFA) when he was four years old. He's taught me how to be a better person, to be patient and kind to others, and more than anything to try new things in life.
1. Treat people the way you want to be treated.
I know, this seems obvious right? But if we're being painfully honest with ourselves, how many times do we really say and do things that honor and respect people the way we'd want to be honored and respected? I know I'm definitely guilty!
I've known Henry for about six years, but I haven't been a real friend to him until this past year. For the other five years, I wasn't mean to him or mistreating him or being a bad friend. But I also wasn't giving him the time or attention he deserved. I really just wasn't doing anything that would consider me his friend. Despite it all he continued to pursue our friendship and always remembered little details of my life that I was sure he had forgotten.
One small (but significant) thing Henry's taught me is to really listen to people during conversations and to try to understand their perspectives, something that I believe so many people struggle with. Sitting there really listening to what someone has to say rather than nodding your head and giving affirmations to something you only heard half of because you were too busy dazing off or thinking about something else. If I have something to share with someone I know I would want their complete attention, so why do we too often tune out to what others have to say? Just something to ponder...
2. Be patient and kind to others.
Even though I would say I'm a fairly patient person, somehow being Henry's friend has taught me more patience than I could ever imagine. This is how Google defines the word patient:
pa·tient (adj) 1. able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.As a result of HFA, Henry processes words and sentences a little slower than other people, often repeats phrases over and over again, and gets distracted very easily. When I first looked up the definition for the word patient, I thought it was so fitting for what I was experiencing and feeling at the time. Before I became close friends with Henry, I would often times avoid conversations with him because I knew they would last forever. If I saw him on campus or in the dining halls, I would secretly hope he wouldn't notice me because then I'd be late or lose a few minutes to wherever I was headed next. I was the complete opposite of everything that defined the word patient.
Do you realize how absurd I sound right now?! A few minutes of my day that I couldn't spare to say hello to a friend because I thought I had better things to do. A few minutes. When I finally took a deep breath and spent some time really talking to him one day, those few minutes were probably the most well spent minutes of my entire day. He had so much to share, so much wisdom to pass on, and said the most hilarious things. After that day, I learned to be patient with Henry in the same way I would've been patient to any other person. I learned to embrace my delays when headed to class or to my apartment if it meant talking to a friend who often got ignored by others. I have never been annoyed or anxious by Henry since then, and he's honestly the most hilarious and loving person if you take some time to really hear what he has to say.
3. Try new things.
If you've talked to Henry, then you know that Henry is famous for saying, "But I need to do this/go there. I need to experience these things in life." Every time I hear him say this it cracks me up, but he also has a point. Henry views life as a huge canvas that he's only painted one corner of. There are so many parts of life that he's never done before, and all he wants to do is experience it for the first time. That takes bravery and courage.
I always think to myself I wish I was brave enough to do this, or do that, but I can never get myself to try those things. Granted there are things and places that I would not want Henry to experience. Ever. But he has a right to experience life for himself instead of being protected and sheltered all the time, and he fights for this right all the time. I admire that about him because I know I'm usually not courageous enough to step outside of my comfort zone, and he has this zealous spirit to go out and place himself in situations that he's unfamiliar with.
I think what Henry means when he says, "I need to experience these things in life," is this: Isn't it better to at least experience that thing one time to know whether you like it or not, rather than be too afraid to never experience it at all? As long as it falls somewhere in your moral compass, there's no harm in trying something new.
So if there are three major lessons I've taken away from my friendship with Henry, it's 1. Treat people the way you want to be treated; 2. Be patient and kind to others; and 3. Try new things.
Henry's hilarious, and smart, and wise beyond his years, and is encouraging and supportive, and always gives me "a one big heart" as he always says. If you know Henry or have the honor of being one of his hundreds of friends, don't take him for granted. I bet there are things you also can learn from the guy.
I mean seriously how can you not love the guy. He makes me not want to give up on anything, ever. He's the best!
If you have any thoughts on what I just shared, have stories to share about Henry, or just want to talk more about autism and what it means to be a friend to someone who has it, please please comment below. I'd love to start a conversation, and I bet Henry would too.
Also, if you have time over the summer and are up for an interesting read, check out this book, written by a thirteen-year-old boy with autism. It's almost as life changing as this book.
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