christmas thoughts

So before I begin, let me first just add a disclaimer and say that I'm an emotional person. Period. I cry at the oddest things, laugh at things that aren't even that funny, and feel for so many situations and people in the world. But there are times in my day, specific weeks, or even seasons, when I get even more emotional than my usual (how emotional can you really get, Breigh?!). My heart feels so heavy for so many things.

Christmas time is one of those moments. When I feel really emotional. Some years, I'm emotional in the way a 2 year old feels when they finally realize how to open presents, and their eyes light up and their cheeks get sore from all the smiling. And then other years my heart is so heavy with the burdens of life that you only really understand once you gain a few years. Taking your family for granted, chronic illness, deep disappointments, the list can go on forever. There are times when there seems so much darkness in the world.

This Christmas holds so much for me. So many new changes in life, so many what-ifs for the future, so much stress and worry, but also so much joy from little things. I met my 2-year old and 4-month old cousins today for the first time - and it's safe to say I already love them SO much. I have grad school applications due in less than 3 weeks and I haven't started on them yet because of, well, life. I'm stress eating, and thinking, and planning, and wondering. I have deadlines and friendships to maintain and family to be with and time that I need for myself and so many things to pray about, and ahhh breathe. Does this seem like you this year too?

Now here comes the part where we need to dig a little deeper. Whether you're Christian or non-Christian, hear me out because I promise that what I'm about to say might resonate with you.

We often times make Christmas out to be this jolly holiday with endless Christmas carols and presents and bows and happiness bursting from every corner of the room. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas time - the fresh scent of pine, magical-tasting Christmas lattes, wreaths everywhere, sparkling lights, the whole package. But if we're being truly realistic with ourselves, I also know Christmas time might hold some burdens for people out there. Maybe it brings back memories of a loved one who has passed. Or someone in your family is really sick right now. Or maybe there's this huge disappointment weighing you down because you haven't bought presents for your family, or you didn't do or give them enough.

Whatever it is, I feel you.

Burdens might be different for people, but they're burdens nonetheless, aren't they?

This is the part where I'd usually stop and say - wait, but there's Jesus! And this happened and that happened and dot dot dot. And yes, to me Christmas time is about the birth of Jesus. Luke 2. I could go on and on about how awesome Jesus is, and how much hope he brings into the world.

But, sometimes, all you really need to hear is that someone out there in the world understands you. Understands your heartache - whatever it is that is weighing you down.

This Christmas, I'm praying for all the heavy hearts out there, mine included.